i want out

sometimes when a thought hits me and dont have anything else to think about but that certain thought i wish theres a way i can just forget about everything that has happened and just live a peaceful existence. isnt there a way to just discard those hurting thoughts and live life the way i deserve to live. i try to understand how he feels but i just cant. to be honest, he doesnt understand me at all, sometimes i think hes living in some fantasy world where wives are robots, not allowed to feel and get hurt and just get discarded when hubby is tired of wifey.hell i tried to forget about him, think about other people who love me and care for me, but i just couldnt. maybe im just holding on too much. i want to experience being loved again, and being appreciated for what i can do. im not a bad person i know im not... but he makes me seem im the worst person in the whole world. this relationship is not healthy anymore,i wish someone can show me the way out and just show me what ive been missing. i dont even know why im sticking to this emotionally abusive relationship, god knows how much ive suffered. i know im not the perfect wife, but i just dont deserve this.